VLADIMIR Putin speaks softly and carries a big stick.
Usually, that stick is metaphorical. It’s comprised of things like tanks, soldiers and “local self-defence units”, who purchase assault rifles and unmarked uniforms from their grocers. Or something.
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Mr Putin contemplates the obscene amount of ownage in which he is about to indulge. Source: AP
Everything changed overnight, because, for once, Mr Putin was quite literally carrying a big stick. Vlad clad himself in an ice hockey uniform, leapt majestically onto the rink in Sochi’s Winter Olympic stadium, and proceeded to melt the floor with his smoking hot talent.
You could have sworn the man was a reincarnation of the great Valeri Kharlamov. You know who that is, right? Of course you do.
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Of course, the only thing more amazing than the Russian president’s mad skills was the fact that nobody really tried to defend against him. The opposition didn’t mark Mr Putin at all. They just allowed him to drift lazily along the ice without any hint of a confrontation.
You can understand why. Most of those players probably figured that if they slammed their leader against a wall, he would have them standing against a wall in front of a firing squad before bedtime.
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So, Mr Putin’s team, the Festival Stars, ended up winning the game 21-4. The president scored six goals himself and racked up five assists. What a man.
You might remember that Russia’s male ice hockey team was eliminated by Finland in the quarterfinals of the Winter Olympics earlier this year. If only Mr Putin had been playing.
“Everybody smile or we won’t get pizza after the game.” Source: AP
“Just tell them how you used to be KGB, Vladimir. Then skate in a straight line. They will not get in your way.” Source: AP
“Watch and learn, gentlemen.” Source: AP
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